Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Will you hear the proverbial fallen tree in the forest?

I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that my mom is unlikely to be able to attend my graduation.

She works for a firm that places high level health care industry administrators in temp positions while the hospital seeks a permanent candidate for those positions. This means she works at locations all over the US. Once, she almost got sent to Saudi Arabia. Crazy. 

What that means for her family is she spends more time away from us than she does with us. I miss her even when she's here with me. Right now her assignment is literally across the country so she only comes home for a few days once a month (if she's lucky).

Although I alerted her to my graduation date as soon as I was aware, her travel plans are not lining up. She will be here for a week around thanksgiving holiday weekend, she will likely have to return to her assignment locale before my graduation which is only the following Friday. She's promised to try to be there but she told me not to keep my hopes up.

I'm having a rough time with this for a lot of different reasons. 

The first is practical stuff. I still don't have a sitter I trust for my daughter. I know, I know. She's almost two & has never been cared for by anyone other than family or the family that lived in the other side of duplex before moving a good distance away. So now, I'll have to miss my graduation banquet because I can't bring her & I don't want to go without my fiancĂ©. I'd have to go by myself. I don't know if I can deal with that. What's more, I don't know if my daughter would be able to handle the graduation ceremony. With only her dad to watch her & keep her quiet, he won't be able to snap any photos. Yet another major life event with no photographic evidence. 

The most important reason is that without my mom's support, I'd never have been able to accomplish this. It feels like a hollow victory if she's not there to share it with me. She's backed me 100% in this & I want to show her that she didn't do it in vain. I actually finished something for once in my life & she won't be there.

Between my mom's absence & my best friend who I haven't seen in nearly three years not being able to make it here, I'm feeling like I'll be all alone up there. Does this mean anything if my loved ones aren't there?

Does a girl graduate from college if no one sees her do it?